I'm back!!

Hello All-

I know, I know...I have been a slacker..what can I say?

Good news? I have been reading like a crazed woman!! TONS!!

Bad news? The place where I spend my days has been sucking the life out of me...hence , blogging had to go aside for a break.

Well, it's that time of year..yes, soccer tryouts..oh it's hideous. I'm not sure what's worse..the fact that my eldest is driving and going into U-17 or I am at the last stretch of 39 years old. Oh I know, 40 is where it is at....but I feel more like a 4 yr old...none the less....here we go..

So I will begin the reviews tomorrow...see? I told you, now I have to do it.

Well, I must say, I'm sure all of you have seen that jackass of a CEO from Abercrombie & Fitch today..if you have been living under a rock or assume I am speaking of bird watching here is a snippet of his announcement....

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon.

Basically , the man is refusing to let his stores carry anything over a women's size 10 or anything XL. However, he will carry XXL for men as they,"are muscular athletic types". He goes on to say his customers should look like they just hopped off a surfboard with washboard stomachs...

This man is trash. Now as a adult he just pisses me off.  For the gorgeous teen girls out there who are size 12 and above this man just confirmed whatever insecurity they have...and for that, he has to pay.

So Mr. Jackass, this is to you. Let's begin with yourself. Take your plastic surgeon to court, dear God, maybe the Dr. squeezed him self into some of your teeny tiny jeans, passed out and dropped the scalpel? Every hideous picture I have seen of you, your eyes look jaundiced. Usually that means Mr. CEO likes his drink- a -doodle...which explains that muscular reverse washboard tummy you have developed.

To the teen girls you have ripped apart today. I only hope they have pissed off Mumsie's who can talk them down off the cliff .You are vile...you are so vile you make me want to eat a huge chocolate cake just to hear what you have to say.

My hope is these gorgeous size 12 and up gals develop into confident size 12 and up women. Women who are brilliant. Brilliant women become brilliant things. For instance, one of these gorgeous gals that you dumped on may become a president of a bank. A bank that comes to foreclose your big house and your penis replacement car.

As I am sure you realize, you pretty much have lost everything by now.

These gals will go on and realize you are really just a loser in high school who couldn't get the gorgeous size 12 and up girl...but be forewarned there is one thing you should know, women never forget comments like you made today.

Karma's a bitch Mr. CEO, and it comes in a size 12..

Until tomorrow!

Z2134 by Sean Platt and David W. Wright

Hello all...yes..yes..I know I have been ignoring you..it's Xmas time...as you know I dread it with a vengence...then I eat another damn cookie. Hello money...goodbye money...seriously..oh..and cold..so blasted cold. Come on you haters join me in the rant!

I of course , refuse to buy one thing as I hate shopping, and the world may end on the 21st, here's hoping..

So, I am sure you have watched the news, glued to CNN so you are aware of my announcement..I..Your Liege..am breaking up with facebook on January 1. I know...I know. ..here me out.

First, it's soul sucking. I spend way to much time looking at your cat chasing a laser light.. ..seriously.
Second, dear God! The one upping! Its gross. I haven't seen you in 20 years so I could give a rats a+% about your new _______ ( car,house, boat or BMW). Nor do I lose sleep in the hopes to hear how many miles you _______ (ran, climbed, fire jumped or naked bungee jumped).

Your Leave it to Beaver family pictures bore me. Try to remember, as you are posting your," I lived the life of a Nun" posts, 20 yrs ago I was the one holding your hair back why you were puking up your spleen in the name of Gamma Gamma Goddess. So, until the world wants to lose its 15 minutes of needing constant , " Good jobs!!" . Its been nice knowing you...and the one's who do know me, you have my email;)

Now Pininterst...that's a whole wasted time of sheer awesomeness....

So the book I have for you tonight kids is Z 2134...by Sean Platt and David W. Wright.

"z 2134 is a thrilling new zombie serial in the spirit of 1984, The Walking Dead, and The Hunger Games, from the writers of the post-apocalyptic smash hit serial, Yesterday’s Gone.
It is the year 2134 in a dystopian America, following a series of zombie plagues which infected and decimated much of the world’s population starting 100 years ago.

Those left, formed six walled Cities throughout the continent, all under the rule of a totalitarian government which enforces strict control over its populace.

You must obey your government.
You must be a good citizen.
You must be a productive citizen.
You must not break the law.
Or The City Watch will find you and arrest you.

Jonah Lovecraft, a former Watcher, was arrested for the murder of his wife. And like most criminals, he has one chance at freedom — to participate in The Darwin Games, a televised survival show which pits two players from each city against one another in The Barrens, the uninhabited areas outside the City Walls.

He’ll also have to face another enemy — the zombies which still roam The Barrens.
As he fights for his freedom against impossible odds, his daughter, Anastasia, stumbles into people who have information about her father — information which will change her life forever.

But it will also put her in the crosshairs of her father’s enemies."
(Amazon description)

Hunger Games is dead to me . This is so much more. Each part of the book is narrirated by a character, there are Zombies and so much more. Honestly it is lifting my Walking Dead is not on until Febuary depression. Second season, as these guys brilliantly release the series in episodes, has not come out yet . Don't panic, there are other books. I am currently reading Yesterday's Gone. We are talking Stephen King when he was good ...really good . Of course there is the fear and gore, but like Walking Dead it is really about how people act, how they change and how they live with complete freedom, but in fear of being killed by________ (zombies, aliens .whatever).

Lets face it. Zombies are gross. They look smelly, oozing God knows what and they bite you. No sparkle or tanned torsos. As a Dr. at work answered after I asked if she was caught up on Waking Dead, " I needed a break to get over Lori's death...its too much". Yes, that's how twisted we are.....we tend to fall into these scenerios as the folks are normal, not superhero's.

So never fear Carl, we will watch you in Febuary. We have to, no one else seems to be doing it.

Get the book. I believe it is 3.99. Your stupid coffee's cost more than that. Read up on how the , "episodes " work. I am much to busy, I have a cat video to go watch. Until later my followers...

'This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store' AK Turner

Hello All-

Here I am on my last day of vacation, from the vacation I never went on. Refer to previous post- although you should have it memorized and quoting lines to your fellow friends.

It is 80+ degrees in Everett today...amazing I know. It is predicted to be 90+ later this week...so what if all 3 Brats have a soccer tourn ...their young..they'll survive...Mama needs sun!!!!!!!!!!

So tomorrow I head back to the place that pays me...I miss the folks but slightly dread the return of normalcy...starting to think it's not a good thing to dread how I spend my days at the place that pays me. Time for a change? Probably.

So this non-vacation hasn't been a total bust. Went and visited friends.....friends whose house's are surrounded by some form of water. Went to a beer garden in the middle of the day in Edmond's with my one and ONLY friend I hang with from high school..Going to a beer garden in the middle of a Friday afternoon is significantly different then a Saturday night. Not only were we the youngest by twenty some odd years, but we were one of the few not in a scooter or walker.

What can I say, we continue to live a thrilling existence after kids and marriage...rock on.



Me at the hip beer garden..never can tell when Robin is actually taking pic of me or using me to capture some crime against fashion in the near vicinity.





Robin ..gorgeous as ever..about to win on lotto..that's right..we are WINNER'S..and slightly lit.

So my wonderful Pixelink.com...seriously, if you haven't gone to this site yet...then REMOVE YOURSELF NOW. Free books for kindle, or smarty pants phones or whatever...everyday. Some are lousy, some are fantastic...I just happened to find a great on yesterday....



'This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attache-carrying Secret Agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child… and in-laws.' (Amazon Description)

I have openly shared my title in Worst Mom in the World. Sometimes I accept it...other times the guilt is suffocating (ex-catholic..what do you do?). However, as I approach my 39th birthday, frankly, I embrace it. Somehow, I manage to have three fairly decent, non meth addicted children. We are in the dreaded teen years, some choose to approach this time with hope and excitement. I continue to approach with pessimism and dread. Sure....they are great now, but what will happen next year?? It could all go to crap and FireDaddy will be mumbling to himself where we ( I ) went wrong...blah..blah....so drink up !!

Where was I? Oh, so I am not one for memoir's. The cover, which is great (this from the ultimate cover snob) caught my eye...

When a chapter begins with, "Like all new Mom's, I had a baby and decided that I should smoke pot for the first time", well, how could I not love this??? Pure poetry!!!

Through out the book the author is candid and hysterical. I to, have attempted (and failed)  perfect Mom-dom. I joined that hideous Mom and Tot's or whatever the hell that cult was in hopes of finding the one other young Mum like me. Never happened. Instead, I had my head filled by competitive Mum's of all my wrong doings. I found out that my allowing my infant to pass out in my bed after the hundredth feeding of the evening ,I was securing her a life in insecurity, drug use and probably into the arms of a abusive partner.

I was a wreck. FireDaddy was sick of hearing how we are either poisoning our daughter with toxic shampoo's that will ensure blindness by 4 or how that bite of ice cream will now cause her kidneys to overwork we have the world's first type II diabetic five month old.

Like most first pregnancies we somehow believe that our to-be child will be soooo superior over your out of utero nit wit, there is a level of arrogance that no Mean Girl can match.

Exhibit A: This is conversation between AK and her husband Mike regarding pets.

AK: "But what about our kids? They're going to want a pet at some point."

MIKE: "Fine, we'll give them invisible pets."

AK: "Our kids are going to be gifted, so of course they'll never buy it".

MIKE: "Your right.".


 I loved this book for it's honesty, foul language, frustration of kids, marriage, family and liquor consumption.

This is the book you give to friends who have kids. If they are uptight, maybe this will help them relax. If they're pregnant for the first time- avoid them like the plague.

Give them five years then you can buy a copy for the failures.

Grab a bottle of wine (or two) and start reading!

'So LA' by Bridget Hoida

Hello All-

I come to you from the depths of despair. I am on vacation...not happy you say? NO. I am on vacation, and vacation has been cancelled. Why you ask? You didn't? Too bad, my blog.

As you are painfully aware I have two Brats who play select soccer. If your not familiar with the cult of select sports let me fill you in. Kids do not wear dark and white tee-shirts for 30 bucks...oh noooo...their ensembles are $400.00..a piece. Add on monthly fee's x 2. Combine that with driving from Hell and back and it costs more than my first car payment.

After spending a large amount of money on soccer fee's, and after selling my soul to get 4 damn days off (seriously, at the place I spend my days you have to make a deal with the Devil to get one lousy day off) it has come to my attention that we can't go...anywhere.

Yep, for the past 3 months we were planning on going camping in Leavenworth (fake Germany). The place is so tacky it's entertaining. What do they have that we don't have? SUN. We don't get that here. They also don't have soccer practices, games and far away lands to drive to in record time. In fact, the kids were going to stay home.

Day before we were going to leave, it hit. With the fee's we have coming up and the tournaments, we can't afford to go. We can't afford the house sitter, we just can't. For those who aren't aware the place I spend my days is not my dream job. It is a have to. I have the extreme luck to work with a group of fantastic women. As you know, this is odd  for I can't stand groups of women.

However, I work this job to pay for....soccer...soccer a sport I used to love to play and watch. A sport that causes me to want to take my son's Swiss army knife and stab every soccer ball I see in my house.

So am I feeling sorry for myself? Yes. Am I have a selfish pity party? You bet I am. Yeah, yeah I know this will pass , for tonight I want to be mad.

Now enter guilt. You can get rid of the catholic..but the guilt stamps itself on your dark little soul for eternity. All these Mother's are just thrilled to give every aspect of their lives away for their kids budding careers. They'll work jobs they despise, they are willing to live in homeless hostels if it keeps their Precious happy in select sports.

I am fully aware that I am the worst Mom in the World...but wanting just one lousy week? Come on.
Anyhow, done...done ..done...done..

Wait!!! One positive in this soccer Hell that I live in...Went to Seattle Sounder's game...Sounder's won 4-0 Yes, I was born in Seattle..and no I am NOT a Sounder's fan. The fans are ridiculous and no one sticks out to me...however, the flip side of this game...put your sunglasses on as the stunning life force may be to much!!!



That's right...Soccer God himself..Beckham..sigh...


They played  LA Galaxy..who lost..he even looks good losing!!

Guess who she just spotted running out on field?





















On to the book review.....

Beautiful Magdalena de la Cruz breezed through Berkeley and built an empire selling designer water. She’d never felt awkward or unattractive… until she moved to Los Angeles. In L.A. where “everything smells like acetone and Errol Flynn” Magdalena attempts to reinvent herself as a geographically appropriate bombshell—with rhinestones, silicone and gin—as she seeks an escape from her unraveling marriage and the traumatic death of her younger brother, Junah. Magdalena’s Los Angeles is glitzy and glamorous but also a landscape of the absurd. Her languidly lyrical voice provides a travel guide for a city of make-believe, where even Hollywood insiders feel left out.


 
Like a lane change on the 405 freeway during rush hour, Bridget Hoida, skillfully navigates the impossible in So L.A. offering a portrait of contemporary Los Angeles through the penetrating prose of her female protagonist. Evoking a dynamic and materialist landscape, So L.A. introduces readers to the unforgettable voice of an extremely talented new writer. (Amazon Description)

I received this book by way of a friend of mine from High School (Jen Dietz). Jen posted something or other about this book on Facebook. Being the nosy person I am , I shoved my way in and said I would review it if the author would like. Not only did she say yes but she sent me the book wrapped in froo froo ribbon with a handwritten card. Presentation is EVERYTHING..and I was able to bring out some envy in the ever stunning blond, blue eyed Jen. Apparently she was not gifted with such a stunning lay out.

I loved this book. Not what I expected. I honestly expected some sort of smart..Melrose Place (I know-smart is a stretch) novel. This book was the complete opposite.

Magdelena has lost herself. She had a brother who died from a rock climbing accident. She has never recovered. She marries, moves to LA and changes herself from the person she used to be. Body, mind and spirit.

On a personal note, I got this. I grew up around these people. My Mother worked for a cosmetic company that would send her all over the world . We spent one summer in Beverly Hills Hilton. This was normal. I remember being 16 and watching the women talk about their latest ,"procedures". Discussions went from whose husband left who, to who has let themselves go, on and on .It seemed the norm, but I didn't fit in. I thought at that time that eventually I would have to get things done also..that's what you do when your old - around 30 :)

The women, including Mom, never seemed content. There was a underlying rule. Look a certain way and be accepted, be liked. Doesn't matter who you really were, you needed to be liked and thought of as attractive.

As I became older and moved away, these thoughts caused me to feel resentful.  I didn't want to have ,"procedures". I have witnessed the recovery and it is not for the weak. It all seemed like a lot of pain in order to be liked and approved of. Everyone wanted to look the same.

At 6ft tall, brown eyes and brown hair,  that was not going to happen. The whole production turned from exciting and beautiful to exhausting and insecure.

So, I did the opposite. I cut all my hair off ( I can still hear my Mom telling me I'll look like a pin head). Embraced my flannel and jeans (hello...90's grunge?). Dropped out of college, took off for Alaska and began to run.

38 I am still in the same mode. Sometimes that is good sometimes it's not. I don't feel the need to look or act anyway in order to get approval. I just don't need it. Unfortunately , there are so many women that do. Comes out in competitiveness, or cruelty at times. It's in order to hide who they really are.

Magdelena purposely causes drama in her life to escape her guilt regarding her brother's death. Sometimes she made me laugh. Other times she irritated the hell out of me with her righteous attitude of self destructing behavior.

I  feared her. She was who I fought against for so long. She is the person  it would have been easier to be at times.It was hard to  take the criticism for not looking a certain way. As I get older it's a lot easier.

Overall, Magdelena made me sad.  She made me feel for how lost she was. How unforgiving she was toward herself.  She couldn't comprehend what she was doing was hurting others. 

I rarely read books twice, but this one I will definitely read again.

5 stars.





bridgethoida.com

http://www.bridgethoida.com/.



'Every Burning Bush' by Brandon Clemets

Happy Friday All...Just got back from taking Brat 2 and 3 to Brave. Fun movie...highly recommend it. Brat 1 was unable to join us as she is in Spokane playing soccer in 90 degree heat.

I'm so jealous I could scream...it's cloudy and blah here..typical Snohomish County summer.

Well, this book..what do I say? You want me to turn down a book ? Make sure there is something like,"Christian fiction" listed in the description. "Christian",  anything really. I know, I know, I preach equality and acceptance of all everywhere I go and yet I am a closeted anti-religious person.

Now, before you banish me with the other sinners hear me out. I went to catholic school for 10 years. I was made fully aware that everything I did was watched and judged by almighty himself. I sat through mass after mass , I don't remember anything they said as it was booooring.

God is watching , so look enthralled.

The only details I remember about mass were when Nicole W. passed out on Ash Wed. Father Olson swung that incense around like a discus thrower.  Incense overload...it was FANTASTIC.

Or how about my poor friend Mariam who huddled in the pews with me in 3rd grade? We were rehearsing whatever confession we could come up with last minute. I can still here Father Olson BOOMING," Mariam!! That is the same confession you told me last time!!!!".

Oh and Lent...yes Lent. I gave up chocolate. I would have rather given up my spleen. It was horrible...year after year I did this one. Around 8th grade, I had a epiphany. I was angry. I was angry at the exhaustion of trying to be so good for something that was never going to pan out.  I suffered without my meds (chocolate) and God still let's horrid things happen...bring on the Godiva.

Face it..being bad was a hell of a lot of fun.

I could go on and on but why? I could tell you how I have had friends recently become born again Christians and inform me that other  friends of ours, who they used to love, will burn in the fire of hell. They aren't judging as they love these GAY people still, but God will get them in the end. I couldn't block them off my facebook, phone list, frankly, my  life quick enough.

Do I sound angry? I am . I am livid. There were years I played the games, joined the teen clubs in high school  (really only to check out the boys)  yet I never bought into it once. Got married in a church that I had absolutely no attachment to. I did what I had to.  I remember begging FireHusband to run to Vegas, I almost had him but in the end we were to young to do what we wanted . We did what was expected.

Around 25 I decided I was done. I just had the girls baptized . I sat there during the service and it hit me like a brick..,"what am I doing?????". From that day on I was done.

Now I realize that I have pretty much offended 95% of folks who may be reading this. 10 years ago I would have cared. 10 years ago I would have wanted to be liked as that was how I was raised. Don't worry about being yourself, just be accepted by everyone around you. Play the game so to speak.

Not anymore. I don't walk around picking fights for crying out loud. My daughters, and FireHusband have a  belief and occasionally they have gone to church on they're own accord. I have never stopped them , but I don't join them. I tell them why and everyone seems content.

For whatever reason I picked this book up last Thursday evening. I was glued from page 1.

A gritty, emotionally gripping story about forgiveness, family, and the sometimes tragically painful sins of the church.

Jack Bennett has a wife, two kids, the perfect job--and the perfect affair. When he is caught and it all comes crashing down, Jack is left with no one to turn to. No friends. No family, except his recovering drug addict of a sister.

On a Sunday morning drive, he sees a homeless man locked out of a church service, banging on the door. He stops and offers the guy a cup of coffee. He asks the man his name, and the guy says Yeshua. As in, Jesus.


Jack's not stupid. This isn't the real Jesus. But with nowhere else to turn, Jack forms an unlikely friendship with this eccentric homeless man--one that will test his idea of truth, faith, love, and forgiveness. (Amazon description)

You would think I would have run for hills...look at the words, "church, forgiveness,..JESUS!" Eeeew.

So, Jack Bennett. I got him. I was him. How many of us haven't felt a little ripped off by life? Job is less than thrilling, childhood is something we would like to erase, marriage and kids a little tougher than planned?

Jack is bored with everything. He has a wife, a girlfriend on the side, a severely screwed up sister. He had a childhood from hell filled with abuse. There is drugs, sex and all the above. Then  along comes a guy, says he is Jesus and starts to hang out with Jack. Now, there was a couple of times Yeshua  (Jesus) started to sound preachy and I about tossed my kindle aside (like I would toss my Precious..hahahahaha!),  I hung in there.

Here is what made this book so fascinating. Jack is talking to you, the reader. It was a little eerie at times as I may have started answering his questions. I read this really late into the evening mind you...who are you to judge? When he would ask," do you feel like I do when the word ,'church' is mentioned? Do you want to crawl out of your skin?". YES I do!

Yeshua agreed with him on his hate of what people have done to church..the right wing christian religion.
Jack is angry. He is angry at people's version of church. He is angry at what people have turned Christianity into. It has become the religion of the haves and the haves not.

This book is honest. There is swearing and anger. Do you have any idea how refreshing it is when Jack told his wife about his affair? The woman didn't say, "Well, God expects me to forgive you my weak husband. Bless you." No, she swore, yelled and hope he died a slow death.  God was NO where in that conversation. Dialogue was honest,  not Jesus speak. This is what kept me going through this book.

(Spoiler) The main character did not become all God like or nauseating like Kirk Cameron  .
He was still confused at the end, but more at peace. Strangely, so was I

The book actually has a slight mystery to it, which I did NOT see coming at all. In the end I had some clarity regarding religion. I don't need to be angry at God.  People came up with the rules, not God. I think I needed that reminder.

Read the book, would love to hear what others think.

'Jackrabbit Junction Jitters" by Ann Charles

Hello All...well, where do I start??

It has been a fun summer so far..until this week. After a lovely week of vacationing in Idaho we return to soccer...soccer...soccer. ...

I managed to go to ,"Book Club"..aka Magic Mike with my best friend..Robin (fyi-owns I DO BRIDAL..look it up). Robin and I were buddies in High school. I believe we became friends over the embarrassment of being 13 yr old freshman..Move forward a few years...alright..MANY years and we still seem to behave somewhat similar. Only with mortgage's, kids, husbands and work.

We are that cool.

So off we go to Magic Mike. I'm not going to lie, I needed a drink as I was slightly horrified attending this..Book Club. Wall to wall women with one victim (man). We were in the cool crowd. I would say the average age of those around us were 45- 50ish and fun. I only got snippy with one woman but that was due to falsely accusing me of giving the seats to someone else after telling her no. As the fun women apologized for causing any problem I loudly proclaimed, "Oh please, I have kids in select soccer, I deal with bitchy Mom's daily". Could have done without the laughing...and clapping...none the less ..the credits begin...

So did the cat calls! Dear Lord, nothing had happened yet, it was just words at this point! Robin was smart enough to pack our own beverage to put in our coke's...(just like high school!- kidding Dad!!:). Unfortunately she was so busy watching the well choreographed performance of FireDaddy's Brother Husband (think Big Love..in reverse) that she poured much more than she intended.

Apparently there was a plot to this film, not sure what it was. I am a visionary person myself.  Occasionally I did look at the one man in the crowd to make sure he was doing well. Some times he looked amused , sometimes he looked down right terrified . I believe he was brought along for his driving skills as the group of ladies around us had many beverages. All in all it was a fun evening, and FireDaddy should be thrilled that his Brother Husband did so well. He even wore a fireman ensemble. A tribute to FireDaddy really.

On to the review! Well, Ann Charles has come out with another winner. This time it is #2 in the Jackrabbit 

Junction series. Folks, it put the first one to shame. Please refer to my review of her first book....I'm a little offended that you haven't memorized my review word for word but I will try to move on...

Claire is back, raining trouble throughout Jackrabbit Junction in another fast-paced, fun, sexy suspense.

A burglar is on the loose! Claire wastes no time forming suspicions, but she's sidetracked by a treasure hunt.

Even with help from her boyfriend, Claire is swirling in a whirlpool of chaos. Throw her crazy sister into the torrent, along with an angst-ridden teen, a jittery bride, and some randy old men, and Claire struggles just to keep a toehold in the current.

Then her mother arrives ...(Amazon description)


This story brings Claire back and her Grandpa. Grandpa is getting married and his daughter (Claire's Mom) has come along to put a end to it. With her mother comes her sister. Whose driving skills equal a dear friend of mine...who happens to be a DOT engineer.

There are new characters introduced but I found them easy to keep track of. Claire's family was insane but hysterical.

For you smutty lovers there was enough to keep you interested.

For you prudes it did not overpower the book so don't go grabbing your rosaries...

There is a mystery of course. With a who done it that I did not see coming. Everything flows well.  Once again I pulled a all nighter and read it until....3:00 am... I would love to tell who did what, but then you wouldn't read it. It's only $3.99 on Amazon.

Try to get some sleep, your book will be there when you wake up.

'The Nonrunner's Marathon Guide for Women: Get Off Your Butt and On with Your Training' by Dawn Dais

I hope your sitting...I'll wait..Lilo is the dog over Xmas we were ,"fostering" . The 2 grand German Shepard??  The Darling I could not live without???

Yeah..well I thought babies were cute too, and now I have two teenage girls and one boy who is trying to survive their wrath. See my point?

The other morning I  had the nerve to drive the eldest brat to High school ...while she ...give me a minute..the pain is TOO MUCH!!!

Here it is...that ball of obnoxious fur, grabbed my Kindle (yeah #4 Kindle fyi) and pulled it out of it's $30 case..chewed case...and put a tooth mark into the frame of 3 day old kindle...

I'd rather she'd put a tooth mark in FireDaddy!

FireDaddy  found this sweet and enduring as she can't bare to be away from me for 20 minutes. Well, when he said it like that, my response was completely validated...

"CALL ANIMAL CONTROL NOW!!!!!!! MOTHER $^%^!!!!!!".

Kindle #4 still works, but I feel a stabbing feeling in my heart when I spot that tooth mark...I do.

Now, I know the MANY readers I have saw the title of this book and said, "Oh $%#, it's a running book..".

If you know me at all, you know I force myself to run the minimum amount I have to. I hate marathoners. The ego's. Like it's a sport..Me, Myself and I.

None the less, years ago I found this book in hopes it would motivate me to move my butt off couch...you may call it by the title, I refer to it as THE BIBLE...

I am convinced Dawn Dais and I are related, somehow, somewhere. This is not a how to, or conquer your fears book. Oh no..this is a, " I signed up for something so far fetched and I am hating every minute of it...you will all suffer with my constant whining and complaints..".

This is one of the best books I have ever read. I have given it as birthday gifts, bridesmaids gifts and just because your one of the few I don't want to punch in the face gift.

Here is the Amazon description:

Dawn Dais hated running. And it didn't like her much, either. Her fitness routine consisted of avoiding the stairs in her own house, because who really has the energy to climb stairs? It was with this exercise philosophy firmly in place that she set off to complete a marathon.



The Nonrunner’s Marathon Guide for Women is a fun training manual for women who don't believe that running is their biological destiny but who dream of crossing the finish line nonetheless. It opens with a realistic training schedule and is chock-full of how-to's, quizzes, and funny observations, which Dais felt were lacking in the guides she had consulted.


The Nonrunner’s Marathon Guide for Women also integrates entries from Dias' journal, sharing everything would-be marathoners need to know about the gear, the blisters, the early morning workouts, the late-night carb binges, and — most important of all — the amazing rewards.


Anyone can do a marathon. This book just makes the experience a little more bearable and a lot more fun.

Gah!! Even this sounds like a gross self help book. Look, if you never want to run or get your own beer don't turn away. This book is hysterical, I am talking wake the house up laughing hysterical.

Out of no where Dawn signs up for a marathon in Hawaii. She has fantasies of jogging like she is on Baywatch and pineapple drinks are waiting for her at the finish line.

She hides nothing folks. The hate, the anger, the resentment. This is just her feelings about her running group. The marathon itself?? Whole other nightmare entirely.

Reading through the Amazon reviews, some are just mean. Keep in mind, the mean reviews? THERE ALL FROM RUNNERS. Another issue? Marathoners tend to have the personalities of dry bark..ahhh bitch all you want , not my fault you think running is a straight line for 26.2 miles is a thrill..yawn.

Here is a quote I found from Dawn on Goodreads:

“Even though I can’t tell others whether they should chase their marathon dreams, I highly recommend they do something completely out of character, something they never in a million years thought they’d do, something they may fail miserably at. Because sometimes the places where you end up finding your true self are the places you never thought to look. That, and I don’t want to be the only one who sucks at something.”


Preach Sister, Preach.