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Friday, December 16, 2011

I am trying...I am ....Xmas is coming and stress is on....I can't be the only sourpuss can I??

The cat looks victimized......


Well, even though I suffer through this...season of forced joy...I am here with 2 books to review....



Creepy cover...CREEPY!!!!!!!
 
So here we go....... First book is WIDOWMAKER by Cristyn West and Elena Grey......The book revolves around a film called Terror in the Tree's...kind of a Sundance Film Festival of Horror...People are coming out of theatre bleeding...parts missing..gross descriptions that's all I can say....

A FBI guy Derek Boulder, is working the case. His ex fiance is Jill Conner , a PR gal for film production. She basically is responsible for making movie folks feel more entitled then they already are.....

Last time our main characters met up - was when Jill ran off from wedding a few years previously. So for all you smutty romantics out there , the book has the tension that you all enjoy...with out the irritating swashbuckling pirate ...who tries to swash the heroine out of her buckle...

The gore is gory for all you sickos...the dialogue is catchy and keeps you interested. Again...book snobs...this is a fun read...FUN..remember when reading was fun???!!!!! There are monsters...villains..(seriously weird ones)..and sit down..THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE...IT'S NOT REALISTIC...beat you to it you English Garden pains in the ......where was I?

Book is high paced...the anxious characters are high strung..villains are nutty...and snotty women make you want to hiss and say..." Byiatch...plzzzz...."...

So call your annoying relatives...claim near death disease and LOAD UP the kindle or whatever impostor of kindle your using...and start reading...lights on people.

  


I know...I didn't know what to think either...stick with it...

Book number two...........

FULL BODY CONTACT...now...Book Cover Queen that I claim to be...the cover was a bit of a turn off...I was concerned that this was some sort of ,"toss em in the cage and see what happens!!"..This book is by the same authors as WIDOWMAKER..and I thought it was FAANTASTIC.

Gentleman on cover is a Travis Dekker ..a MMA fighter. Which I could tell you I know what the hell that is but I would be lying...I don't...but it is some sort of martial arts, fighting sport..Frankly, anything past kicking a ball or running in a straight line with nun's reffing the game..I just don't get...no way in hell would Sr. Joanne have reffed this...she would have been one of the fighters!! I didn't say that ...I didn't....Back to story....This Travis fellow has a record of criminal activity..there have been some bodies found that he happens to have some sort of affiliation with...

In comes Alexis Reed, detective..her Dad was former police chief so she already has a tough time at work...
She goes undercover and takes lessons from this Dekker fellow..Honestly, I had a hard time liking him...he was sort of scary and BOSSY...and FireDaddy will tell you...I can't do bossy...Byiatch..plzzzzz. However, Alexis is somewhat attracted in a ," He's hot, but I may die" kind of way.

I liked this book for two reasons. Those who know me , know I can not take smoochy books...that's right...back to swashbuckling pirates..thigh high boot wearing vampires (Anita..I know you can hear me) I scream and say, "Eeeewww...snort ..snort"...This book was not like that. Dialogue was less than friendly and not many compliments were given between the characters..Surrounding characters were cops and bad guys..and they fit in with the story well...

Second reason I liked this book...Alexis got her ass kicked!! That's right...My fear was she would come into the lesson and be some sort of She-Ra that can kick ass and not smear her eyeliner...she was bruised , battered and soooore...how great was that??

So for you prude's out there...there was one big sex scene..that I did snort once..not because it wasnt' well done, it's because I resort to a 12 yr old Jr High girl when I read that...and I fear FireDaddy will try to read over my shoulder...and the teasing...omg ..the teasing I would have to endure...

Have to say..the ending threw me..did not see it coming..at all. ..This was a fun read.....a addictive, ignore the fam read...Load up my Worshipers...prices are cheap...

As for these authors...they look like lovely,sweet and attractive women. Attractive women that think up some heinous ways of being killed...they have my email...should I be concerned???




Thursday, December 15, 2011

One Stiletto in the Grave- Jason Krumbine

FA LA LA LA LA..... LA LA LA LA -Blaaaahhh...




That's right....blaaaahh....am I seriously the only one out there folks?? The shopping..the decorating...gawwwddd ....the FAMILY.....TOO MUCH.



So, I have been reading ...a lot...Just finished Wally Lamb's book ," The Hour I First Believed..". If you haven't read this..beware- not a upper. I would review this fantastic, well written book..but I am depressed enough...

In my state of despair I came along Jason Krumbine's ,"One Stiletto in the Grave".....Jason is on my twitter list, which I still am completely clueless how Twitter works.....but it's apparently legal to stalk Mike Rowe via Twitter....hmmm....wait...BACK TO ME!

Jason posted that this particular book was free that day...Free?? Because thanks to Xmas I need free...how in the hell can I keep my 5 book a week habit up during this hideous time??

Hallllo!! Great cover....(please refer to early blog ranting on the importance of a decent cover).

This book is the first in (hopefully) a long series. Avery and Brooke Graves are reapers..and sisters..think of bounty hunters for the dead. They deliver the dead where they got to go- pick up their paycheck at the end. Avery is the stable, organized sister and Brooke has a frat boy mentality who happens to be built like a supermodel. Now, some of you may say...especially you Martha Stewart, PTA wanna bee's, that Brooke is trashy and needs to put some time in with Sr. Joanne for some serious repentance..whatever.

I had friends like Brooke, in fact I still have one. She has simmered down since our college age days but ..Whoa Nellie..she could make a biker blush. Double standard to think that boys who behave like this are just young and silly while.girls are slutty with low self esteems.... AAAK...sounding like Jesus..aka Oprah..off my soapbox.

The girls get in trouble with some bad guys- CAN'T SAY ANYMORE.....howeverrrrr.. Avery has a ER Doc boyfriend who I find boring and sedate...there is another reaper that hopefully will be more of a distraction in the future . Brooke does have a ex- boyfriend who seems a little creepy...crawl out of your skin type. For those 80's kids, remember Herb Tarlic from WKRP?? That is who I think of when I think of this gentleman.  She also has a very out of control sex drive and manages to spend time with this creeper (shout out to my teens..look at Mom usin the lingo!)  This book is fun, dialogue is sharp. Both characters and storyline are original.

 Like J.A Konrath, I have to constantly remind myself a MAN wrote this...

So to you book snobs- you know who you are....especially that group who booted me out 10 yrs ago for asking the innocent question, " Christ...does every book we read have to describe a English garden for 100 pages? Shoot me now."- Lighten up..there are fun books that are also well written, so give it a whirl.

Too my daughters... if I should die and you actually look at this blog. I will haunt you...HAUNT YOU ..if you think for a second you can act like Brooke Graves......oh....and stay away from Aunt Robbie...her memory is not what it used to be..and I never did those things she may tell you..

The book is no longer free but it is only $3.95 at Amazon...so screw getting Great Aunt Betty a coffee card this year..you need a book ...you need your sanity...




Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Bull Years- Phil Stern..(and the bull about Xmas)..:)

Hello all, my Winter Wimplers!....

Cold where you are?? Hate it as much as I do??  Probably not...

FireDaddy has tried to convince me , given the whole Mayan predictions, that he needs more damn lights for the house...,"As this will be our last one!!! I NEED MORE LIGHTS!!!!"....our house looks nice, but some nights pulling in from work..I find it rather seizure inducing.


So, I guess it's confession time. I can't stand XMAS...it is like the dark plague that shows up every year to force me to smile and clean out my bank account in the name of good cheer.

Gross.

I know...I know...SHUT IT...I have 3 kids, I have priorities to paste that
smile on my face and say ,"Merry Xmas" 50, 000 times a day.

Honestly, I have had this attitude since I was 10. I am a only child and was spoiled...opening one gift after another until frankly, I found the whole spiel boring. I have tried to convince myself to be religious and celebrate what 90% of our culture tries to convince themselves this is about.....but, even if I was truly religious I tend to think Jesus is thinking, " Way to show your appreciation by yanking out your Visa folks"....Really?  Enough of the Xmas doom and on to the review....


I received this book from the author himself...Phil Stern. Summary sounded interesting...then I saw the cover. Anyone who reads my blog knows what a cover whore I am....Now once you read the book you'll understand the cover...but first impressions made me say, " What in the HELL???"...



I know....I know....it's not what you think Ladies...it's not.

The book is about a group of friends who met in College...this is the 90's generation. In fact..these folks are exactly my age now, and back then.  The main character Steve wants to write a ,"Big Chill" of the 90's so to speak. He contacts all the folks via phone and email and ask them to document their stories. It's interesting as they never get together as adults but they all document their own take on how life was.

The whole story leads up to ,"That night"...through 75% of the book, I was coming up with what ,"That night" would unfold...murder? Affairs?? Suicide?? WHAT?? It is clear that whatever happened ended the groups friendships completely. 

The book was well written, and held my attention. No aliens, sparkly vampires (gross- again- gross)...furry night creatures or secret agents. The book gave each characters story and view regarding the main event that ended everything. I loved how the description from each character was perceived differently from the next. Example.  First character would say something like, " I came in and said hello". Then the next character's summary would describe the first character as walking in the house and saying, " He came in and said what the F are you doing here!???".  Shows every one's perception and you just can't figure out whose is correct.

After I finished book at 6 this morning, yep, you read that right, I was mad.

First of all, I can give you a name of folks I knew that could fit every character in this book. I saw myself  in there too- I won't tell who...but I did. I was mad at my generation. Really, what have we done?? I don't feel like we were anything grand. I feel like we were the group that was told continuously , do whatever you have to be happy, do it. Bored with your spouse? Get out Job is boring? Quit. You deserve to be happy.

Life is messy ,confusing and damn boring. We are kids of the Baby Boomer generation (again, if I have to hear one more Baby Boomer praise themselves for this I may vomit). The Baby Boomers, who took out leases on their cars, bought cloths and houses they could never afford all in the sake of screaming, "LOOK AT ME!! I can keep up with the Jones's!"...harsh? Yeah...true? Definitely. We were the initial latch key kids.
I think our gen x crowd grew up to be the ,"what now?? " generation. 

Now, getting back to why I was mad after this book. During the days when I had these friends I thought it was good. I probably have romanticized the friendships over the last 20 yrs or so. However, do I see these people? Nope. Do I miss them?? Nope. This book brought back why. I don't miss the cattiness of the girls, the stupidity of the boys and the constant drama that was created basically because at that age we all felt so entitled. It's embarrassing to think back to that point..did I have fun?? Well, yes..but not all the time.

There is a character who had the most pathetic catholic parents. I was laughing out loud!!  I went to catholic school- 10 yrs. My Dad was raised catholic, denied Catholicism but as all recovering catholics..the fear was always there. My Mom- new age, gravitated to what ever religion told her what she wanted to hear . I didn't have the catholic pressure at home...but at school..that was another thing. Now, I did have friends who had these parents...names not mentioned, but one Madonna music cassette (infants- look it up) Like a Virgin- got tossed in the trash compactor by God fearing parent in 7th grade....So I felt the character's frustration and the need to rebel against it.


None the less, this was a great book.  I am anxious to hear what other's think.

Off to go block some folks of my fbook..