Sit back enjoy...give your opinions...have a laugh...but be nice..or your outta here...:)

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

'Grace Lost" series by M. Lauryl Lewis

Hello All- I'm baaaacckk. I went to my son's 6th grade orientation. Fun..fun..how I love standing in lines waiting for schedules, pictures, oh ..and don't forget the locker combination. Oh how I wish these times would never end.

Before I had a complete breakdown, I headed off alone to get his school supplies. LOOK AT ME!!! Going early!!! I can now look down on others (like me-usually) who wait until the last minute, swearing, screaming...clawing through the isle's in a mad panic. I feel like Mrs. Cleaver looking down on Rosanne....YES!!!

What could go wrong? Well, a couple of things.

His list said ," Two 1 subject NON-PERFORATED notebooks"..how hard can this be?
After 30 minutes of clearing through sixty 1 subject notebooks I hit the wall. Literally. This item does not exist. Every damn notebook had those little holes in the binding. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I knew I had to wave the white flag when I threw down a green Mead notebook followed by a ,"Damnit it to hell! Is this some sort of joke??!". Only to hear a righteous 4 year old say," Mommy, that lady said a very bad word".

I decided I would move on to the ruler. A woman and a 7 yr old Boy Wonder were looking for similar item. Conversation went as follows:

Mom: I can't believe you need a protractor in 2nd grade

Son: What does it look like?

Mom: You don't know?

Son: Nope.

Mom: Well, you will. I guess kids in HIGHLY CAPABLE need things like protractors..ha ha ha ha!

Ok. For those lucky enough to not understand Highly Capable do let me explain. I had no clue what this was when we moved to this area 8 years ago. At my eldest's soccer practice (she was 8) these women were yapping about their gifted Highly Capable kids....notice...gifted. I inquired about what Highly Capable was and found it was for the children who are so superior to us mere earthling's that they need their own class of excelled learning. When asked if my Minions were going into the program I clearly stated, "No, my children are in the Dumb Ass Capable class".. Which I then threw my head back in a loud guffaw...unfortunately I was the only one. Don't get me wrong, it's not all horrid. I have had a couple  kids who have taken classes from HC. I don't tell other people, as I don't find it that entertaining. The name is hideous...Highly Capable...who came up with that???

I pride myself on being a non-bragging Mother. When eldest was in 7th grade she came home with one of those hideous ,"Proud Parent of a Honor School Student" bumper stickers.

As she was peeling off the back of the sticker I managed to scream,"STOOOOOOOOPPPP!!! DROP IT NOW!!!".

Eldest: Why??

Me: It's embarrassing..

Eldest: I earned it, everyone will know I made HONORS.

Me: I'll buy you a kitten if you throw it in the trash and we never mention this again.

Eldest: We go now...

Point is , Highly Capable bragging is similar to Select Soccer bragging. You had nothing to do with it. Chances are you skirted through school on a wing and a prayer. These are not your brilliant genes being passed on so calm down.

Now, back to the single notebook nightmare..

I was sick of looking for this non existent artifact. I was convinced the school district had it out for me. So I did the unthinkable...this is tough to type.....NO JUDGING!!

 I got on FaceBook..and expressed my angst. I KNOW. I have blogged and blogged about the hell that is FaceBrag or Dear Facebook. I was out of control. Here is my sin........love me.
Me: Everett School System hear me loud and clear. There is no such thing as a " non perforated one subj notebook". I just wasted an hour of my time off going through every gd notebook at Target..perforated is what your going to have to deal with."

Friend: Good grief, that is specific!
Me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NON PERFORATED! If little idiots everywhere are ripping there papers askew with abandon then send them to military school...jezus.
I know, I know. There are people on my list who work for the school system. I wanted to yell it out loud and clear. Slacker Mom's UNITE!!!!!
So Parent's everywhere, never fear. You are not alone...fight the system. Let them know, you will not be a joke! As we Highly Capable folks no there is no such thing as Non- Perforated notebooks..Good try teachers...good try.
On to the review...

Twenty-year-old Zoe Kate is young and naïve, and quite frankly a loner. When her lifelong friend, Adam Boggs, comes home for the summer they find themselves thrust into the middle of a zombie plague. As they flee their hometown in hopes of finding safety, they come across two other survivors, Emilie and Gus. The group of four quickly form bonds and must make difficult choices at every turn in order to stay alive. They will witness unimaginable horrors and experience unthinkable losses as life and death mix together in ways that were never meant to be. Things aren't always as they seem when God's Grace has been lost to humanity. (Amazon Description)


Intended for mature audiences due to graphic gore, explicit sexual situations, and language.

Follow the author at:

I know...Zombies. More Zombies. Hear me out!! Our local newspaper, The Everett Herald did a article on Lewis. She lives in Washington and is an registered nurse in a hospital that is affiliated with the place where I spend my days that pays me. As my Walking Dead, where art thou phase was hitting hard, I needed a fix.

Main character is young, but not too young. There is even a over 35 yr old who is one of the main characters...yippee!! Shout out to Middle Age! It takes place in Washington, frankly some of it takes place down the street from me.  I was thrilled. Clean up the neighborhood if you will.

Decisions are made. Friendships are formed and broken. Same spiel as Walking Dead, dead are scary, but the living is scarier. Main character makes great, heroic choices. She also makes some incredibly stupid choices. Wouldn't we all?  Like there is a guidebook to get through an zombie apocalypse...well, there is ...but still.

I read all three books in 4 days. I read them through breakfast, lunch, on the elliptical and until the wee hours of the morning. Completely addictive.

The cover scares me...well it does. I think it is well done, but I'm glad I have a kindle so I don't have to see it all the time...for I am a wimp.

The gore is gore, the sex is graphic, but for you prudes it doesn't take up the whole book so take a breath. In the Herald's article, Lewis's Pastor wanted to read the books. She pre warned him, but oh I thought of her Pastor during a couple scenes.....Gah! That couldn't sound worse if I tried.

If this was Father Olsen from my youth he would have water boarded her in holy water.

I thoroughly enjoyed her books. A 4th is on the way. I am still kicking myself for missing her book signing...there were Zombie cupcakes for Godsakes...CUPCAKES!  Next time...

Grab the books, you won't be disappointed.

Before I forget my Followers!

I got my Walking Hope shirt! I love it!! Here is a pic. Ignore the braces, God knows I'm trying to.

Monday, August 19, 2013

'The Housewife Assassin's Handbook'- by Josie Brown

Hello all...yes...I have been beyond neglectful. I know..I know...to the authors who have sent me books. I am reading like a mad woman. Please know I am trying to get to all the reviews , but sadly, this does not pay the bills so my blog tends to lose status in what I can complete in a day...sigh...

Now, BACK TO ME. I have just returned from HELL. AKA - kids soccer tourn. I had to donate my time to working the ,"admitting desk". Which means, you have an complaint you come to our table.

I was doing so well, until one woman came up and complained about the points being incorrect. She didn't just bring it up..she pretty much SPIT IT OUT upon my table. After the 100th time of hearing her story she accused me of not caring...in which I responded in the most professional, customer service friendly way. "Your right, I don't CARE. Do you want this fixed or do you need to tell me the tale ONE MORE TIME??".

I don't think I'll be asked back.

Here is the deal folks. I am about to turn 40. Am I in crisis mode? YES. Not because of the age, but because of how I should be. These women that I know  hate this soccer select crap, but put on the face and smile..I can't! I can't do it. I can't stand the parents, coaches the whole lot of them. I have a life. I had my time, it's my kids. If they go out there and trip , fall, play horribly...it's not my problem. They are their own person. I have had parents pat my back when my kids score a goal and tell me ,"Good Job!"...For what??? Did I score from the bleachers?? Did my genetic code cause that feat of wonder? Why in the hell are you congratulating me???? I was reading my kindle for Godsakes.

On the plus side of this nightmare, I have become an observer...think National Geographic animal observer..."As the sun falls to the east, I have spotted the ever infamous 40 yr old , newly divorced soccer mom strutting in a scantily clad sundress and wedged heels through a muddy terrain. WAIT..she see's her prey, the single (maybe , maybe not) soccer dad. Is he aware that he has been spotted?? YES!!! Notice the rigid line of his back as his stomach concaves. Amazing how long these males can hold their breath while making the ridiculous under armor he sports, appear to actually fit . Let the disastrous meeting commence...fascinating..".

I sit back in my (judging) chair watching this over and over. Is this what women have come to?? The concern to look ,"hawt" and "desirable" is pathetic. The women are nice to each other then text some gal pal in angry angst of what a "&^&*..&&^*" the other one is. I thought at 40 we were supposed to be ok with who we are. Am I lazy?? I am fully aware,  that I am not, well, what men would find desirable. 20 yrs ago I would have been in tears, now, it only makes me feel slightly rebellious. I have boy short hair, I'm too tall, and I can fit into a boy's size 10 shirt. Read between the lines on that one. Add in turning 40 and I should get a subscription to Cat Fancy Magazine.

I have noticed changes in myself. I saw a gorgeous woman at grocery store today and thought," My God, that woman is beautiful!!" without the slightest resentment or jealousy.  I seem to be alone. Other women my age were seething in their yoga pants. I overheard two women talk about this young gals ,"ridiculous heels". Of course being the kind of person who walks away from idle talk...yeah right, I marched right up this model like girl and complemented her high heels. When I informed her she looks like a model, I could feel my back starting to burn with some sort of seething venom shot at me by the Witches of Trader Joe-wick. Then I watch as a man who had to be 45+ yrs old hit on our Heroine.  I want to smack him. Not because I feel insecure, but because this idiot knows that a beautiful girl of 20 is insecure and he preys on it...fyi, Sir, rethink you hair dye and AGAIN, under armor is not everyday clothing. It only looks like you threw on some spanx and forgot your shirt...STOP.

 What is happening to adult women I ask you?? Is it the entourage of Housewhores on Bravo?? It's like middle aged women are in full on competition. What are we teaching our girls???? How many more Facebook posts of ,"Got carded for wine today".. yeah, well I had a girl ask me if I went to so and so daycare when I was a kid. Told her yes. This woman hasn't seen me since I was 4..do I post that? No. Why? Two reasons:

 1) I am so secure with myself it is a weapon no one can over power. Yes, I spend my days doing something I'd rather not do. Yes, I have teenagers. Yes, 9-5 is ..well, boring but it is what works for now. Frankly, posting this nonsense would make me look pathetic..fyi.

2) Holy Crap, maybe I looked 40 when I was 4...

Now I have some insecurities, I am human. I have braces which I find to be the equivalent of moving back in with your parents. I hate it so much I can't see straight. It's lousy working in a office when I remember declaring at 18 , "Kill me if I ever work in a office". Women. Women are my biggest insecurity. Women scare me.  I really don't have many girlfriends anymore. I find that sad, but I'm finding they're just too much to take on.

Why ...why am I am I yapping away about this? It's my blog..not yours. No, that sounds snotty..this actually leads into my review...

IN BOOK 1: THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK:- EVERY DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE WANTS AN ALIAS: Donna Stone has one...and it happens to be government-sanctioned.
- BUT DONNA EARNED IT THE HARD WAY: Her husband was killed the day she delivered their third child.
- TO AVENGE HER HUSBAND'S MURDER: Donna leads a secret life: as an assassin.
- BUT ESPIONAGE MAKES FOR STRANGE BEDFELLOWS: And brings new meaning to that old adage, "Honey, I'm home..." (Amazon summary)

There are five out in the series I believe..I haven't read #5 yet so shut it if you have. I can not tell you how much I LOVE THESE BOOKS!!! Again, she isn't a naïve 18 yr old girl being chased by some sparkely brooder..oh no..she is ...Middle Aged. Yep..talking over 35 here folks. Oh this book has it all. Mystery, violence, weaponry, humor, gated communities and psycho PTA- Soccer Loving Mom's. Add in a murdered husband (?), pre teen children and an Alicide looking partner and we are ready to roll.

For you mystery lovers this series should please you. For you smutty smuts, fairly graphic smut. For the prudes, skim over those scenes, doesn't take up the whole book or chapter,  breathe. You'll survive.

Donna is my new hero. Little excitement never hurt anyone..just stretch first.

Go grab this book as it is FREEEEEEE today.

Don't you worry, I'll be happy to save your seat at the next home association/PTA meeting...just look towards the back of the room, towards the bathrooms. I'll be there with the other cast - off Mom's..proudly wearing my crown.

Until later folks!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

'Pushed To Far' by Ann Von Peterson (intro by Blake Crouch)

Hello All-
Here I am on my day off. I just recently acquired a day off after working 5 days a week for past eons..
I've been so excited, and now, I have no clue what to do. Cleaning? Pleaaase...beneath me.
Besides, it gives FireDaddy something to do when he gets home from the station tomorrow when I head off to the Place Where I Spend My Days (that pays me).
Summer soccer tourn's have begun...Yippee.

 Last weekend I took Middle child (she is 14) to tourn. For the love of God and all that is Holy..who the hell decided on a 8am Saturday game? To make matters worse, the COACH (Satan) wanted us there at 7:15am for warm ups. That's right my Worshippers, I had to leave the house at 6:30 ...AM!!!  What hell is this I ask you???
FireDaddy got up when I got up. I am a somewhat kind person. I can fake it with the best of them if needed. However, there is one time of the day I can't be polite or worry about your feelings.  This is known as ...wake of dawn. Sadly, FireDaddy is a yapping fool in the morning. He is up, bouncy and smiling ear to ear...let me give you an example of our early morning conversation.
FIREDADDY: Oh it's going to be warm out!
ME: Shut up.
FIREDADDY: Gwyn has all her uniform stuff ready right??
ME: Seriously, shut up.
FIREDADDY: Beeee nice.....
FIREDADDY: Beeeee nicccceee to meeeee...hay, did you pack water ???
FIREDADDY: (sigh..) I'm abused. I'm going to tell all your friends you abuse me.
ME: (door slamming, muttering swear words that would make a Hit Man wince).
FIREDADDY: I HEARD THAT!! Watch your mouth!
That point I pretend he doesn't exist and get ready...and on with the day.
I pull into parking lot. I can pay for parking and have an 11 year old Know it All  drive me around in golf cart, as the Microsoft parents do. Or I can park in the slums with the North End folk...to the slums I go. Beautiful day, first game went well...the second is at 2pm. Great, stuck here for hours, must find something to do. Middle Child takes off with friends so I am alone. FREE!!!! Until I see my car, and the fellow North End slummers circling the lot like a buzzard circling a dying wildebeest. I can' leave!! Damnit! I will lose my spot! What could I do? Well, I could read..and read I did...
                              Myself and the youngest..bored to tears..day 2 soccer tourn.


Two years ago a woman was brutally murdered, her body burned until only ash and shattered bone remained. Police Sergeant Valerie Ryker solved that case, putting psychopath Dixon Hess in prison for life, and becoming the first female police chief of her tiny Wisconsin town.


Then the original murder victim turns up in a frozen lake, all in one piece and only recently dead, and Val must enter a race against time. In only forty-eight hours, Hess will be set free, and he wants payback. And Val, her town, and everyone she loves are at the top of his list.


But surviving Hess's vengeance is only part of her dilemma. For there's another killer in Lake Loyal. One who may be closer to Val than she knows...

Val will need all the help she can get, including a sexy firefighter, her dead sister's daughter, and a tough Chicago cop named Jack Daniels. Everyone has a breaking point, and Val has just reached hers.
-(from Amazon.com)
I became somewhat familiar with Ann Von Patterson through her collaborations with J.A. Konrath..aka Jack Daniels series. Upon looking at the cover, which I think is well done, I pre- judged this book as an Swash Buckling Cops Gone Wild story. Thank God I was wrong.
I loved the main character. She is  the first female chief of police in a small town of Wisconsin. No one seems to hate her, but she tends to lack the full respect she deserves. She isn't Lara Croft. She is raising her dead sister's teenage daughter, and has her hands full like the rest of us. 
A woman has turned up dead, who was supposed to be dead two years prior. Which means the killer our Heroine put away is out of prison, and he wants justice.
Give me Zombies, vampires (non -glittered) , ghosts what ever...serial killers? I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! I still haven't completely finished Blake Couch's Luther Kite's series..I can only do it in small sections.
This horrid man wants all to pay, and he has a list..I shall say no more...
There is a love interest who is connected to the recent victim. He's a firefighter. Yes, a firefighter. Swoon, sigh and aflutter...seriously. I really hope the author understands IF FireDaddy actually reads my blog the torment of  ,"Why firefighters are HAWT, you have it SO good" lecture I will have to endure...well, may cause SOMEONE some serious bodily harm. Frankly, how about a HAWT accountant instead? All those muscles crunching away on the calculator...no? I tried.
This isn't a romance folks. Not a Lifetime Movie either. It is a police- procedural.  There is a little mush for you sickos out there. For you prudes, put away your rosaries, you'll survive.
There is violence. The scenes are graphic but not drawn out, so I am able to sleep....
Oh..and my beloved Jack Daniels makes an appearance...WAHOOOOO!!!
Go get the book....put your sunscreen on , ignore the nonsense around you. I manage to , just ask the parental units at soccer tournaments.
Ready for the second in series...if you see me on the field...keep walking. Until later!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The End of Me (The Single Lady Spy Series) by Tara Brown

Hello All-

Hope everyone is staying cool. For once Washington is proving that it is not a total loss. We have been experiencing warm weather, many days of warm weather....God help the person who whines and ruins this...HEADS WILLS ROLL!

As I am on the verge of saying goodbye to my thirties I have been noticing certian ,"rules and tips" on many magazines, talk shows and so on for women 40+. Allow me to share .....

Give it up, your time has come and gone. (Hell no, if your telling me I am stuck for eternity in the place that pays me , oh hell no)

Men your age only like women much younger (Fine with me, we don't want you anyways. Do you not realize how ridiculous you look? You don't look younger, you look older. God help the one's who start new families. Good luck staying up past 9pm for sports, plays or PTA crap- Rod Stewart, talking to you. Im sorry women over 40+ have their sh*t together. Im sorry we are much more intelligent than a 20 yr old newbie. Yes, we are harder to impress and yes we may be more picky. You 40+ guys could take a lesson from us. Until then, try not to break your hip while getting down at Sr. Frogs with Tiffany . Good luck.)

Time to get some work done (I can't even handle a paper cut, when I gave birth to 3 Brats the Dr. kept asking me if I wanted to see the head(s) coming out. Ill pass)

Botox is your friend (FireDaddy actually had botulism poisoning from a fellow nitwit FFighter- again, pass)

Don't be so outspoken (oh pleaaaze Bitch.)

Men hate short hair, it only makes you look older (First of all, do not care. Second, I have had boy short hair since I was 18 yrs old. I will continue to have it until I hopefully am elderly. It's true , some men don't care for it. However, I love it!)

If you get carded for alcohol, post and boast on Facebook, people will wither in jealousy and admiration. (Ok, technically I haven't read this. I do know it. Only 40+ women have gotten on   FaceBrag and posted about their moment in the sun of getting carded...its pathetic. I get carded all the time. Do you know why??? Because, I had to get braces again. I don't look 21, I look like a damn 13 yr old boy. Don't care for it.)

Post about how great you are on social media (Again, I made it up. Only 40+ women are posting about running times, marathon times, gym workouts and saving the world antics. It's weird and only shows the younger generation how incredibly insecure you are. So stop.I know I'm awesome, I don't need my prom date from 20+ yrs ago to tell me. Post about bar hopping or something meaningful.)

Don't admit your wrong, let it go. (Refer to the two statements above me. Admit your wrong, I made them up. Don't you feel better? I do.)

Work out and save your muscle mass. Everyone will compliment how great you look! (The days of working out for vanity are behind me. I exercise for health and to keep things working. I don't need to hear about my tush, my arms or flat stomach. As I have none of these. I refuse to be my kids problem in the later years, so I keep things working. Besides, I think I look just dandy. Don't need to hear it from anyone else.)

Watch what you say. (I just told a strange teenager at the store who was using extremely foul language at a store clerk  to ,"watch his fking language"..I even laughed at that.)

Dress for your age. (Ok, I can't fight this one completely. Is there nothing worse than watching grown women dress like Brittany Spears? Go to any beer garden this summer and sit back and cringe at the show. Now, as I sit here in my ,"Woodbury Coffee House Zombie" shirt, I realize many consider this juvenile. However, it covers , and goes beneath my belly button. Frankly the shirt is awesome and this statement is over.)

Learn how to knit, your 40! (I've been knitting since 5. I have made knitting cool. Deal with it.)

Get a cat. (No.)

Live for your children. (Ok, some aspects yes. However, you make their lives your lives. You won't let them ride their bikes at 16 to the store for fear of kidnapping. You won't tell them no as God forbid  they hate you. You folks know who you are, you know what your doing. Cut the cord. They aren't robots. You had your teenage hood, they have theirs. If you had plans and Jr says there is last minute soccer tournament, YOU DO NOT CANCEL YOUR PLANS. You teach your kids Mom is just as important as everyone else and that is how it goes...got it???!)
Make up tips to cover those wrinkles! (With the amount of cover up these publications tell you slap on, you might as well enlist in the armed forces. I think camouflage that snipers wear is lighter than this nonsense. Look, I have crows feet. I have the lines around my mouth starting, don't even get me started on the wrinkles between my brows. These were all fine until someone convinced us we should be ashamed. I am fairly sure I will leave all alone . You have to earn my look of glee and surprise. I would hate for botox to convince the public that it doesn't take much.)

I am sure you are wondering how this ties in with today's review...well, do let me explain....

"His death was almost the end of me.
He was still everywhere, surrounding me.
In our children's eyes, in the smell lingering in our bed, in candy bar wrappers stuffed down the side of the minivan driver door.
He was everywhere except where I needed him to be.
In my arms, kissing my lips, on the name of the deed to our house.
When his death didn't end me, the proposal from the man who owned every moment of my life, did.
My husband carried on in the places he wanted to be but I was gone the moment I agreed.
The moment I let him have me, was the end of me.

Adult 19+"-
Amazon description
Sorry Miss Brown, this has to be THE WORST description of the book. First, of our main character is a ex CIAish-spy. She now is 40 or almost 40 with kids, soccer and nonsense. Her so called husband gets into some trouble and dies...or does he? She is forced back into the exciting world of super spydom.
There is sex, really explicit sex scenes. You bodice ripping smutty smuts will love it. I am on the fence, I'm getting better, but I still cringe. Much less than I used to. Look at me! Growing and learning.
Violence is violent. There is some torture that is cringe worthy. There is violence against women, which is dealt with but can be rough to get through. Prepare, nothing is held back.
Humor- oh it is funny. I had a hate/love for our heroine' s depreciating attitude when it came to her body. Yes, post child body stacked next to 20 something sexy girl spy can make one suck it in until they pass out. On the other hand, she needs to own it with a hefty dose of F off.
There is the bad boy/ bad guy, who is really scary. Wasn't sure what I thought as him as I was attempting to find something endearing, which eventually I did.
Over all this was a fun book to read. Refreshing to read about someone who doesn't have highschool in the morning or whose parents will ground them for running off with muscular furry boy that howls. That sounded completely inappropriate. Must write it down for future use.
My understanding is this is to be a 9 book series which makes me happy, happy , happy.
Before I desert you, one other thing. As you know I am a fan (of dangerous levels) of Walking Dead. A gentleman named Bradley Egel started a charity called The Walking Hope. It is a charity for the American Cancer Society. If your through posting about marathon times and lastest gluten free recipies you'll never make, check out the page on FaceBook.
I don't know about you , but after giving money to a few charities then finding out not all my hard earned dollars go to the cause I became hardened . All proceeds  for shirts, sweatshirts, and tanks go to the organization. Frankly, they are just awesome looking. I went for the sweatshirt, as only the cool kids do.
If that doesn't get you going then look at this. A perfect model of over 40+ diviness , Melissa Mcbride (aka Carol) wearing my future sweatshirt. Look at her!!!!!!

Seriously, is this not the best idea?? I am so impressed with this guy. Just flat out awesome. Think about it, you can post on FaceBook  and not look like an attention whore..even better!!!!

Here is the site: teespring.com/thewalkinghope4

Bradley is working on Norman Reedus to take a pic in shirt. I am hesitant as I have seen this man's followers on Twitter. He is being sent silicone breasts implants people...and he is 44 yrs old with a average of 19 yr olds following him. I don't want to be grouped in that...I don't. I like him for his cross bow skills, yep, cross bow skills. Leave me alone.

Go get your shirt, and go get Tara Brown's book ($1.99 today, you cheapskate.)

Have a good one folks, behave but never be boring. Until we meet again!!


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Rise of the Governor and The Road to Woodbury- Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga

Hello All-
I speak to you from my deathbed....too dramatic?

Well, even though I went through this torture 20+ years ago, I , forced to be Soccer Mom, had to get braces. Yep.
Now here is a fun fact for you all. I don't cry, I don't weep in pain. Oh no, I GET MAD.
Some would dare say, "cruelly sarcastic".
Exhibit A:

ME: I can't believe I have to do this again!! I hate everyone who doesn't have braces, hate  em all!!!
FIREDADDY: Oh now, it will be worth it. Better than getting surgery, right?
ME: Shuuuut UP! I feel like death and I look ridiculous!
FIREDADDY: Oh now, I think your still cute:)
FIREDADDY: Whooaa..hay, not everyone is lucky like me to be born with perfect teeth.
ME: Go (*&  yourself and  ^&&%  the horse you rode in on!!!
I apologize to no one.
With that said, and if I cooperate, I only have to wear these hideous things for a year at most.
It's going to be a long year...
On top of all this I am suffering Walking Dead withdrawals..now is not the time to desert me. Doesn't AMC know how bored I am..and now suffering??!!!
Monday mornings at The Place Where I Spend my Days is otherwise known as ,"Walking Dead meetings".  I work with two nurses at my office...the episode when Lori died...hours ..HOURS of bringing it up. Meryl, Andrea?? Too much for us to handle!!!! We looked forward to Sunday nights and Monday mornings! Now they are filled with dread again!! Mad Men doesn't cut it, The Vikings didn't cut it, and Game of Thrones has gone all HBO (seriously, how many damn brothel scenes are there ??!).
I have been reading books, particularly Zombie books. I have read some great one's....but Robert Kirkman's books have filled the hole that Walking Dead has left ..

Rise of the Governor
In the Walking Dead universe, there is no greater villain than The Governor. The despot who runs the walled-off town of Woodbury, he has his own sick sense of justice: whether it’s forcing prisoners to battle zombies in an arena for the townspeople’s amusement, or chopping off the appendages of those who cross him. The Governor was voted “Villain of the Year” by Wizard magazine the year he debuted, and his story arc was the most controversial in the history of the Walking Dead comic book series. Now, for the first time, fans of The Walking Dead will discover how The Governor became the man he is, and what drove him to such extremes.- Amazon
The Road To Woodbury

The zombie plague unleashes its horrors on the suburbs of Atlanta without warning, pitting the living against the dead. Caught in the mass exodus, Lilly Caul struggles to survive in a series of ragtag encampments and improvised shelters. But the Walkers are multiplying. Dogged by their feral hunger for flesh and crippled by fear, Lilly relies on the protection of good Samaritans by seeking refuge in a walled-in town once known as Woodbury, Georgia.

At first, Woodbury seems like a perfect sanctuary. Squatters barter services for food, people have roofs over their heads, and the barricade expands, growing stronger every day. Best of all, a mysterious self-proclaimed leader named Philip Blake keeps the citizens in line. But Lilly begins to suspect that all is not as it seems. . . . Blake, who has recently begun to call himself The Governor, has disturbing ideas about law and order.
Ultimately, Lilly and a band of rebels open up a Pandora’s box of mayhem and destruction when they challenge The Governor’s reign . . . and the road to Woodbury becomes the highway to hell in this riveting follow-up to Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga's New York Times bestselling The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor. -Amazon
For you true Walking Dead fans, you know about the Governor. Now I read most of the comics. To say I was disappointed in the pick of the actor who plays Governor was a understatement. He wasn't gruesome or obviously psychotic looking. For crying out loud David Morrissey is too good looking!!

I'm no fan of Andrea per say, but I understood why she batted her eyes.

Then came the first a scene which  showed the Governor getting mad...and he was scary..really scary. Then I realized why Mr. Morriessy was perfect.
Traits to look for when hiring a psychotic leader:
Must appeal to the elderly and parents- charm and kindness, they love that nonsense.
Kiss a couple of babies and they will be your servants for life.
Must appeal to the Ladies, seriously, women love drama and the idea of some cowboy (pirate, fireman, police man) saving them and providing a shower to wipe the apocalyptic germs off, well, scruples be damned!
Men have to be impressed with your leadership abilities and superior strength.
Convicts, yes they will be there with you. Psychotic leaders have to flip the psychotic switch on. They must fear you or those skills that got them in the big house will come in handy.

Score a swagger like walk. This is the universal trait that incorporates all the groups listed above.

The first book explains who the Governor is. He didn't swagger on through the apocalypse, in fact he hid behind his big brother..Philip. That's right, The Governor is not who he says. I actually had empathy for his character. He was terrified of everything around him. He also very protective of Penny, his...nope not going to say it.  As much as I LONG to tell all, I'd ruin it for you.

Robert Kirkman , who is the writer of my beloved Walking Dead program, and author Jay Bonansinga  have managed to tie both books into the show. For you die hard's that refuse to read as you fear it will be something so different your lives will never be the same, do not fear.

The second book, "Road to Woodbury" , our Governor is well established. There is a new group of surviors...I know..I know..others survived besides Daryl, Carol and Rick, shocked me too. They stumble into Woodbury. Lily, our main character, figures out that the Governor is not who he says he is.

For those gruesome freaks out there who fear you can't read gore and action. Stop hitting rewind on Hershel's amputation scene. Reading these books feels like your watching the show. The descriptions for wimps such as myself are realistic..infact I managed to wince my way through it.

I hate spending money on e-books. These were worth it. GAH! Can't believe I said that. It filled the void. Both were well written. I am anxious to see if the Governor's story comes out in the show. Until then, the friends at work and I will continue to discuss our Walking Dead predictions, we will attempt to survive Sunday nights , look at pictures of Daryl, until October...

The third in the series is due to come out on  September 24th. Four days before my birthday. Someone should buy it for me. After all, I'll be 40, with braces.

These books will please everyone who likes  Sci fi, apocalypse, zombies, and even some romance for you smutty smuts out there.

If a Zombie apocalypse hits I only have two requests. First, round up all Orthodontists and feed them to the hoard. Gives us time to escape.

The second, have Alicide  (Pesticide as FireDaddy refers to him ) on Talking Dead one last time. We found that quite delightful.

Until later Folks!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

I'm back!!

Hello All-

I know, I know...I have been a slacker..what can I say?

Good news? I have been reading like a crazed woman!! TONS!!

Bad news? The place where I spend my days has been sucking the life out of me...hence , blogging had to go aside for a break.

Well, it's that time of year..yes, soccer tryouts..oh it's hideous. I'm not sure what's worse..the fact that my eldest is driving and going into U-17 or I am at the last stretch of 39 years old. Oh I know, 40 is where it is at....but I feel more like a 4 yr old...none the less....here we go..

So I will begin the reviews tomorrow...see? I told you, now I have to do it.

Well, I must say, I'm sure all of you have seen that jackass of a CEO from Abercrombie & Fitch today..if you have been living under a rock or assume I am speaking of bird watching here is a snippet of his announcement....

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids,” he told the site. “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don’t alienate anybody, but you don’t excite anybody, either,” he told Salon.

Basically , the man is refusing to let his stores carry anything over a women's size 10 or anything XL. However, he will carry XXL for men as they,"are muscular athletic types". He goes on to say his customers should look like they just hopped off a surfboard with washboard stomachs...

This man is trash. Now as a adult he just pisses me off.  For the gorgeous teen girls out there who are size 12 and above this man just confirmed whatever insecurity they have...and for that, he has to pay.

So Mr. Jackass, this is to you. Let's begin with yourself. Take your plastic surgeon to court, dear God, maybe the Dr. squeezed him self into some of your teeny tiny jeans, passed out and dropped the scalpel? Every hideous picture I have seen of you, your eyes look jaundiced. Usually that means Mr. CEO likes his drink- a -doodle...which explains that muscular reverse washboard tummy you have developed.

To the teen girls you have ripped apart today. I only hope they have pissed off Mumsie's who can talk them down off the cliff .You are vile...you are so vile you make me want to eat a huge chocolate cake just to hear what you have to say.

My hope is these gorgeous size 12 and up gals develop into confident size 12 and up women. Women who are brilliant. Brilliant women become brilliant things. For instance, one of these gorgeous gals that you dumped on may become a president of a bank. A bank that comes to foreclose your big house and your penis replacement car.

As I am sure you realize, you pretty much have lost everything by now.

These gals will go on and realize you are really just a loser in high school who couldn't get the gorgeous size 12 and up girl...but be forewarned there is one thing you should know, women never forget comments like you made today.

Karma's a bitch Mr. CEO, and it comes in a size 12..

Until tomorrow!