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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

'Grace Lost" series by M. Lauryl Lewis


Hello All- I'm baaaacckk. I went to my son's 6th grade orientation. Fun..fun..how I love standing in lines waiting for schedules, pictures, oh ..and don't forget the locker combination. Oh how I wish these times would never end.

Before I had a complete breakdown, I headed off alone to get his school supplies. LOOK AT ME!!! Going early!!! I can now look down on others (like me-usually) who wait until the last minute, swearing, screaming...clawing through the isle's in a mad panic. I feel like Mrs. Cleaver looking down on Rosanne....YES!!!

What could go wrong? Well, a couple of things.

His list said ," Two 1 subject NON-PERFORATED notebooks"..how hard can this be?
After 30 minutes of clearing through sixty 1 subject notebooks I hit the wall. Literally. This item does not exist. Every damn notebook had those little holes in the binding. EVERY SINGLE ONE. I knew I had to wave the white flag when I threw down a green Mead notebook followed by a ,"Damnit it to hell! Is this some sort of joke??!". Only to hear a righteous 4 year old say," Mommy, that lady said a very bad word".

I decided I would move on to the ruler. A woman and a 7 yr old Boy Wonder were looking for similar item. Conversation went as follows:

Mom: I can't believe you need a protractor in 2nd grade

Son: What does it look like?

Mom: You don't know?

Son: Nope.

Mom: Well, you will. I guess kids in HIGHLY CAPABLE need things like protractors..ha ha ha ha!

Ok. For those lucky enough to not understand Highly Capable do let me explain. I had no clue what this was when we moved to this area 8 years ago. At my eldest's soccer practice (she was 8) these women were yapping about their gifted Highly Capable kids....notice...gifted. I inquired about what Highly Capable was and found it was for the children who are so superior to us mere earthling's that they need their own class of excelled learning. When asked if my Minions were going into the program I clearly stated, "No, my children are in the Dumb Ass Capable class".. Which I then threw my head back in a loud guffaw...unfortunately I was the only one. Don't get me wrong, it's not all horrid. I have had a couple  kids who have taken classes from HC. I don't tell other people, as I don't find it that entertaining. The name is hideous...Highly Capable...who came up with that???

I pride myself on being a non-bragging Mother. When eldest was in 7th grade she came home with one of those hideous ,"Proud Parent of a Honor School Student" bumper stickers.

As she was peeling off the back of the sticker I managed to scream,"STOOOOOOOOPPPP!!! DROP IT NOW!!!".

Eldest: Why??

Me: It's embarrassing..

Eldest: I earned it, everyone will know I made HONORS.

Me: I'll buy you a kitten if you throw it in the trash and we never mention this again.

Eldest: We go now...

Point is , Highly Capable bragging is similar to Select Soccer bragging. You had nothing to do with it. Chances are you skirted through school on a wing and a prayer. These are not your brilliant genes being passed on so calm down.

Now, back to the single notebook nightmare..

I was sick of looking for this non existent artifact. I was convinced the school district had it out for me. So I did the unthinkable...this is tough to type.....NO JUDGING!!

 I got on FaceBook..and expressed my angst. I KNOW. I have blogged and blogged about the hell that is FaceBrag or Dear Facebook. I was out of control. Here is my sin........love me.
Me: Everett School System hear me loud and clear. There is no such thing as a " non perforated one subj notebook". I just wasted an hour of my time off going through every gd notebook at Target..perforated is what your going to have to deal with."

Friend: Good grief, that is specific!
Me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NON PERFORATED! If little idiots everywhere are ripping there papers askew with abandon then send them to military school...jezus.
I know, I know. There are people on my list who work for the school system. I wanted to yell it out loud and clear. Slacker Mom's UNITE!!!!!
So Parent's everywhere, never fear. You are not alone...fight the system. Let them know, you will not be a joke! As we Highly Capable folks no there is no such thing as Non- Perforated notebooks..Good try teachers...good try.
On to the review...

Twenty-year-old Zoe Kate is young and naïve, and quite frankly a loner. When her lifelong friend, Adam Boggs, comes home for the summer they find themselves thrust into the middle of a zombie plague. As they flee their hometown in hopes of finding safety, they come across two other survivors, Emilie and Gus. The group of four quickly form bonds and must make difficult choices at every turn in order to stay alive. They will witness unimaginable horrors and experience unthinkable losses as life and death mix together in ways that were never meant to be. Things aren't always as they seem when God's Grace has been lost to humanity. (Amazon Description)

Book One of THE GRACE SERIES

Intended for mature audiences due to graphic gore, explicit sexual situations, and language.

Follow the author at:
www.mlauryllewis.net
@mlauryllewis
http://www.facebook.com/mlauryllewis.net


I know...Zombies. More Zombies. Hear me out!! Our local newspaper, The Everett Herald did a article on Lewis. She lives in Washington and is an registered nurse in a hospital that is affiliated with the place where I spend my days that pays me. As my Walking Dead, where art thou phase was hitting hard, I needed a fix.

Main character is young, but not too young. There is even a over 35 yr old who is one of the main characters...yippee!! Shout out to Middle Age! It takes place in Washington, frankly some of it takes place down the street from me.  I was thrilled. Clean up the neighborhood if you will.

Decisions are made. Friendships are formed and broken. Same spiel as Walking Dead, dead are scary, but the living is scarier. Main character makes great, heroic choices. She also makes some incredibly stupid choices. Wouldn't we all?  Like there is a guidebook to get through an zombie apocalypse...well, there is ...but still.

I read all three books in 4 days. I read them through breakfast, lunch, on the elliptical and until the wee hours of the morning. Completely addictive.

The cover scares me...well it does. I think it is well done, but I'm glad I have a kindle so I don't have to see it all the time...for I am a wimp.

The gore is gore, the sex is graphic, but for you prudes it doesn't take up the whole book so take a breath. In the Herald's article, Lewis's Pastor wanted to read the books. She pre warned him, but oh I thought of her Pastor during a couple scenes.....Gah! That couldn't sound worse if I tried.

If this was Father Olsen from my youth he would have water boarded her in holy water.

I thoroughly enjoyed her books. A 4th is on the way. I am still kicking myself for missing her book signing...there were Zombie cupcakes for Godsakes...CUPCAKES!  Next time...

Grab the books, you won't be disappointed.

Before I forget my Followers!



I got my Walking Hope shirt! I love it!! Here is a pic. Ignore the braces, God knows I'm trying to.




Monday, August 19, 2013

'The Housewife Assassin's Handbook'- by Josie Brown

Hello all...yes...I have been beyond neglectful. I know..I know...to the authors who have sent me books. I am reading like a mad woman. Please know I am trying to get to all the reviews , but sadly, this does not pay the bills so my blog tends to lose status in what I can complete in a day...sigh...

Now, BACK TO ME. I have just returned from HELL. AKA - kids soccer tourn. I had to donate my time to working the ,"admitting desk". Which means, you have an complaint you come to our table.

I was doing so well, until one woman came up and complained about the points being incorrect. She didn't just bring it up..she pretty much SPIT IT OUT upon my table. After the 100th time of hearing her story she accused me of not caring...in which I responded in the most professional, customer service friendly way. "Your right, I don't CARE. Do you want this fixed or do you need to tell me the tale ONE MORE TIME??".

I don't think I'll be asked back.

Here is the deal folks. I am about to turn 40. Am I in crisis mode? YES. Not because of the age, but because of how I should be. These women that I know  hate this soccer select crap, but put on the face and smile..I can't! I can't do it. I can't stand the parents, coaches the whole lot of them. I have a life. I had my time, it's my kids. If they go out there and trip , fall, play horribly...it's not my problem. They are their own person. I have had parents pat my back when my kids score a goal and tell me ,"Good Job!"...For what??? Did I score from the bleachers?? Did my genetic code cause that feat of wonder? Why in the hell are you congratulating me???? I was reading my kindle for Godsakes.

On the plus side of this nightmare, I have become an observer...think National Geographic animal observer..."As the sun falls to the east, I have spotted the ever infamous 40 yr old , newly divorced soccer mom strutting in a scantily clad sundress and wedged heels through a muddy terrain. WAIT..she see's her prey, the single (maybe , maybe not) soccer dad. Is he aware that he has been spotted?? YES!!! Notice the rigid line of his back as his stomach concaves. Amazing how long these males can hold their breath while making the ridiculous under armor he sports, appear to actually fit . Let the disastrous meeting commence...fascinating..".

I sit back in my (judging) chair watching this over and over. Is this what women have come to?? The concern to look ,"hawt" and "desirable" is pathetic. The women are nice to each other then text some gal pal in angry angst of what a "&^&*..&&^*" the other one is. I thought at 40 we were supposed to be ok with who we are. Am I lazy?? I am fully aware,  that I am not, well, what men would find desirable. 20 yrs ago I would have been in tears, now, it only makes me feel slightly rebellious. I have boy short hair, I'm too tall, and I can fit into a boy's size 10 shirt. Read between the lines on that one. Add in turning 40 and I should get a subscription to Cat Fancy Magazine.

I have noticed changes in myself. I saw a gorgeous woman at grocery store today and thought," My God, that woman is beautiful!!" without the slightest resentment or jealousy.  I seem to be alone. Other women my age were seething in their yoga pants. I overheard two women talk about this young gals ,"ridiculous heels". Of course being the kind of person who walks away from idle talk...yeah right, I marched right up this model like girl and complemented her high heels. When I informed her she looks like a model, I could feel my back starting to burn with some sort of seething venom shot at me by the Witches of Trader Joe-wick. Then I watch as a man who had to be 45+ yrs old hit on our Heroine.  I want to smack him. Not because I feel insecure, but because this idiot knows that a beautiful girl of 20 is insecure and he preys on it...fyi, Sir, rethink you hair dye and AGAIN, under armor is not everyday clothing. It only looks like you threw on some spanx and forgot your shirt...STOP.

 What is happening to adult women I ask you?? Is it the entourage of Housewhores on Bravo?? It's like middle aged women are in full on competition. What are we teaching our girls???? How many more Facebook posts of ,"Got carded for wine today".. yeah, well I had a girl ask me if I went to so and so daycare when I was a kid. Told her yes. This woman hasn't seen me since I was 4..do I post that? No. Why? Two reasons:

 1) I am so secure with myself it is a weapon no one can over power. Yes, I spend my days doing something I'd rather not do. Yes, I have teenagers. Yes, 9-5 is ..well, boring but it is what works for now. Frankly, posting this nonsense would make me look pathetic..fyi.

2) Holy Crap, maybe I looked 40 when I was 4...

Now I have some insecurities, I am human. I have braces which I find to be the equivalent of moving back in with your parents. I hate it so much I can't see straight. It's lousy working in a office when I remember declaring at 18 , "Kill me if I ever work in a office". Women. Women are my biggest insecurity. Women scare me.  I really don't have many girlfriends anymore. I find that sad, but I'm finding they're just too much to take on.

Why ...why am I am I yapping away about this? It's my blog..not yours. No, that sounds snotty..this actually leads into my review...




IN BOOK 1: THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK:- EVERY DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE WANTS AN ALIAS: Donna Stone has one...and it happens to be government-sanctioned.
- BUT DONNA EARNED IT THE HARD WAY: Her husband was killed the day she delivered their third child.
- TO AVENGE HER HUSBAND'S MURDER: Donna leads a secret life: as an assassin.
- BUT ESPIONAGE MAKES FOR STRANGE BEDFELLOWS: And brings new meaning to that old adage, "Honey, I'm home..." (Amazon summary)


There are five out in the series I believe..I haven't read #5 yet so shut it if you have. I can not tell you how much I LOVE THESE BOOKS!!! Again, she isn't a naïve 18 yr old girl being chased by some sparkely brooder..oh no..she is ...Middle Aged. Yep..talking over 35 here folks. Oh this book has it all. Mystery, violence, weaponry, humor, gated communities and psycho PTA- Soccer Loving Mom's. Add in a murdered husband (?), pre teen children and an Alicide looking partner and we are ready to roll.

For you mystery lovers this series should please you. For you smutty smuts, fairly graphic smut. For the prudes, skim over those scenes, doesn't take up the whole book or chapter,  breathe. You'll survive.

Donna is my new hero. Little excitement never hurt anyone..just stretch first.

Go grab this book as it is FREEEEEEE today.

Don't you worry, I'll be happy to save your seat at the next home association/PTA meeting...just look towards the back of the room, towards the bathrooms. I'll be there with the other cast - off Mom's..proudly wearing my crown.

Until later folks!